| Description | Size |
|---|
| Scene 1 |
| Who goes there? It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons,
sovereign of all England! | 28K |
| Pull the other one! | 4K |
| We have
ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights
who will join me in my court at Camelot. | 16K |
| You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're
bangin' 'em together. | 10K |
| Where'd you get the coconut? We found them. Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical! What do you mean? Well, this is a temperate zone. | 22K |
| Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it
together? No, they'd have to have it on a line. Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper! | 24K |
| Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? | 8K |
| Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? Not at all, they could be carried. What, a swallow carrying a coconut? It could grip it by the husk. It's not a question of where he grips it, it's a simple question of weight ratios. A 5 ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut | 48K |
| Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat
its wings 43 times every second, right? Please! Am I right? I'm not interested! | 30K |
| Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
But then of course African swallows are not migratory. Oh, yeah... | 24K |
| Scene 2 |
| Bring out your dead!! Bring out your dead!! | 16K |
| Naaah, I got to go on to Robinson's -- they've lost
nine today. | 9K |
| I'm not dead! | 5K |
| he says he's not dead! Yes, he is. I'm not! He isn't? Well, he will be soon, he's very ill. | 13K |
| I'm getting better!!! No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment | 8K |
| I feel fine! Oh, do us a favor... I can't. Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long. | 15K |
| I don't want to go on the cart!!! Ohh, don't be such a baby!! | 10K |
| You're not foolin' anyone you know | 5K |
| I feel happy!! I feel happy!! (thud) | 14K |
| Who's that then? I don't know. Must be a king. Why? He hasn't got shit all over him. | 16K |
| Scene 3 |
| Old Woman! Man!!! Man, sorry | 9K |
| If there's ever going to be any progress....Dennis!!! There's some lovely filth down here | 11K |
| But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting | 13K |
| I'm 37, I'm not old!! | 7K |
| By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society | 17K |
| And how did you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers!! | 9K |
| Well I can't just call you 'man'. Well, you could say 'Dennis'. Well, I didn't know you were called Dennis. Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? | 16K |
| I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the
behind you looked-- What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior | 16K |
| How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. King of the who? The Britons! | 17K |
| That's what it's all about if only people would-- Please, please good people, I am in haste!! | 12K |
| By a simple majority in the case of purely internal
affairs,-- | 9K |
| No one lives there. Then who is your Lord? We don't have a lord | 10K |
| Help! Help! I'm being repressed!! | 6K |
| I didn't know we had a king, I thought we were an autonomous collective. | 9K |
| Well, 'ow did you become king then? | 5K |
| strange women lying in ponds distributing
swords is no basis for a system of government. | 14K |
| I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just
because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd
put me away! | 17K |
| Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power
just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you! | 16K |
| I order you to be quiet!!! | 5K |
| Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! | 6K |
| King of the who?? | 4K |
| Who are the Britains?? | 4K |
| We're an anarchosyndaclist commune. | 6K |
| You're fooling yourself, we're living in a dictatorship | 8K |
| I am your King!! Well I didn't vote for you!! | 8K |
| That's what I'm on about | 4K |
| Bloody peasant!!!!! | 3K |
| Now we see the violence inherent in the system!! | 6K |
| A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
Oh there you go, bringing class into it again. | 16K |
| Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here
that, eh? | 6K |
| The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the
purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of
the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to
carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king! | 40K |
| Scene 4 |
| You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. | 8K |
| I'll bite your legs off!! | 5K |
| What are you going to do, bleed on me? | 5K |
| None shall pass. | 6K |
| 'Tis but a scratch.Your arm's off!!! No it isn't | 11K |
| Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left. Yes I have. Look! Just a flesh wound. | 16K |
| I move for no man!! | 11K |
| Come on you pansy! | 5K |
| Oh, I see, running away, eh? | 8K |
| All right, we'll call it a draw | 5K |
| Victory is mine!! | 4K |
| You're a looney!! | 3K |
| Chicken! Look, I'll have your leg. Right!
[whop] | 13K |
| You yellow bastard!! Come back here and take what's coming to you!! | 12K |
| Scene 5 |
| The Monks Chanting and Thwapping Themselves | 56K |
| Did you dress her up like this? No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit. She has got a wart. | 20K |
| She Turned me into a newt. A Newt? I got better | 15K |
| what do you do with witches? Burn! Burn, burn them up! And what do you burn apart from witches? More witches! Wood! So, why do witches burn? [pause] B--... 'cause they're made of wood...? Good! | 48K |
| We have found a witch, may we burn her? | 6K |
| What also floats in water? Bread! Apples! Uh, very small rocks! | 16K |
| I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!! | 8K |
| They dressed me up like this. No we didn't! No! No! And this isn't my nose, it's a false one! | 14K |
| Well, we did do the nose. The nose? And the hat -- but she is a witch! | 11K |
| So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? Build a bridge out of her!! | 13K |
| A duck! Exactly! So, logically... If she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood? And therefore? A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! | 47K |
| Right, remove the supports! [whop] [creak]
A witch! A witch! It's a fair cop. Burn her! Burn her! | 32K |
| The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King
Arthur's knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow:
Sir Launcelot the Brave; Sir Galahad the Pure; and Sir Robin the
Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Launcelot who had nearly fought the
Dragon of Angnor,who had nearly stood up to the viscious Chicken of
Bristol and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon
Hill; and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. Together
they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold
throughout the centuries, the Knights of the Round Table. | 95K |
| Scene 6 |
| And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be
banana-shaped. This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again
how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. Oh, certainly, sir. | 28K |
| Camelot! Camelot!! Camelot!!! It's only a model. Shhhh!! | 14K |
| The Knights at Camelot singing the entire 'Knights of the Round Table' song | 155K |
| On second thought, let's not go to Camelot, it is a silly place | 9K |
