Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Script Part 2




GRAOO SKRIG ARGH
FULG SKRIG MUCK
NOW SKRIG GLAR

[Thus spake Zarathustra op. 30 - Richard Strauss]

[Terry Jones animation sequence]


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World Forum


Eric Idle: Good evening. Tonight on World Forum we are deeply privileged to have with us Karl Marx, the founder of modern socialism and author of the 'Communist Manifesto', Vladimir Ilitch Ulyanov, better known to the world as Lenin, leader of the Russian Revolution, writer, statesman, and father of modern socialism, Che Guevara, the Bolivian guerilla leader, and Mao Tse-tung, chairman of the Chinese Communist Party since 1949. And the first question is for you, Karl Marx. The Hammers. 'The Hammers' is the nickname of what English football team? 'The Hammers.' No? Well, bad luck, Karl. It is, in fact, Westham United. Now, Che Guevara. Che... Coventry City last won the English football cup in what year? No? I can throw the question open. Anybody else? Coventry City last won the English Football Cup in what year? No, I'm not surprised you didn't get that. It is in fact a trick question. Coventry City have never won the English Football Cup. So now with the scores all even, it's on to Round 2, and Lenin, you start at the $10. Jerry Lee Lewis has had over 17 major solid gold hits in the U.S. of A. What's the name of the biggest? Jerry Lee Lewis' solid gold biggie? No?

Mao Tse-tung's buzzer: [Buzz]

Eric Idle: Yes, Mao Tse-tung?

Mao Tse-tung: "Great Balls of Fire?"

Eric Idle: Yes, it was indeed! Very well challenged. Well, now we come on to our third round. Our contestant tonight is Karl Marx and our special prize is this beautiful lounge suite! Uh, Karl has elected to answer questions on workers' control of factories, so here we go with question number one. You, nervous, Karl? Just a little. Well, never mind pal, have a go! The development of the industrial proletariat is conditioned by what other development?

Karl Marx: The development of the industrial bourgeoisie.

Eric Idle: Good! Yes, it is indeed! Well done, Karl! You're on your way to a lounge suite! Now Karl, number two. The struggle of class against class is a what struggle?

Karl Marx: A political struggle.

Eric Idle: Good! Yes, it is indeed. Well done, Karl! One final question, and that beautiful non-materialistic lounge suite will be yours! Ready, Karl? You're a brave man. Your final question: Who won the English Football Cup in 1949?

Karl Marx: Uhuh, the workers' control of means of production? The-the struggle of the urban proletariat?

Eric Idle: Uh, no, it was Wolverhampton Wanderers who beat Lester 3-1.

Karl Marx: Oh, shit!

Eric Idle: Get out of here! Well, no one leaves this show empty-handed, so we're gonna cut off his hands. Well, now it's talent spotting time, ladies and gentlemen, and please see if you can spot any talent in our next competitors? Will you please give a very big hand and a warm welcome to Carl Weetabix and Rita!


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The Urban Spaceman


Carl Weetabix :
I'm the urban spaceman, baby, I've got speed, I've got everything I need
I'm the urban spaceman, baby, I couldn't fly, I'm a supersonic guy
I don't need pleasure, I don't feel pain, if you were to knock me down, I'd just get up again
I'm the urban spaceman, baby, I'm making out, I'm all about
I wake up every morning with a smile upon my face
My natural exuberance spills out all over the place
I'm the urban spaceman, I'm intelligent and clean, know what I mean
I'm the urban spaceman, as a lover second to none, it's a lot of fun
I never let my friends down, I've made a boop
I'm a glossy magazine, an advert on the tube
I'm the urban spaceman, baby, here comes the twist
I don't exist.


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The Whizzo Chocolate Company


Constable: Mr. Hilton?

Mr. Hilton: Ah, yes.

Constable: You are sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?

Mr. Hilton: I am.

Constable: Constable Parrot and I are from the Hygiene Squad...

Mr. Hilton: Oh, yes.

Constable: ...and we'd like to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled 'The Whizzo Quality Assortment.'

Mr. Hilton: Ah, good, yes.

Constable: If I may begin at the beginning. First, there is the Cherry Fondue. Now this is extremely nasty, but we can't prosecute you for that!

Mr. Hilton: Agreed.

Constable: Next we have number four, 'Crunchy Frog.'

Mr. Hilton: Ah, yes.

Constable: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here?

Mr. Hilton: Yes, a little one.

Constable: Is it cooked?

Mr. Hilton: No.

Constable: What? A raw frog?

Mr. Hilton: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth full cream treble milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose!

Constable: That's as maybe, but it's still a frog!

Mr. Hilton: What else would it be?

Constable: What! Don't even take the bones out?

Mr. Hilton: If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?

Constable: Constable Parrot ate one of those!

Constable Parrot: Would you excuse me for a moment, sir?

Constable: Yes.

Mr. Hilton: Well, it says 'Crunchy Frog' quite clearly.

Constable: They'll never mind that. We have to protect the public. People aren't going to think there's a real frog in chocolate. The superintendent thought it was an almond whirl. They're bound to think it's some sort of mock frog.

Mr. Hilton: Mock frog?! We use no artificial preservatives or additives of any kind!

Constable: Nevertheless, I advise you to in future to replace the words 'Crunchy Frog' with the legend 'Crunchy, raw, unboned, real, dead frog' if you want to avoid prosecution.

Mr. Hilton: What about our sales?

Constable: I don't give a damn about your sales. We have to protect the public! Now, what was this one? Number five. It was number five, wasn't it? Number five: 'Ram's Bladder Cup!' Now what kind of confection is this?

Mr. Hilton: We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavored with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue, and garnished with larks' vomit!

Constable: Larks' vomit?

Mr. Hilton: Correct.

Constable: It doesn't say anything down here about larks' vomit!

Mr. Hilton: Ah, yes, it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate.

Constable: I hardly think this is good enough! It would be more appropriate if the box bore a big red label. 'Warning: Larks' Vomit!'

Mr. Hilton: Our sales would plummet!

Constable: Well, why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionery, like praline or lime cream, a very popular flavor I'm led to understand, or Strawberry Delight? I mean, what's this one? 'Cockroach Cluster?' And this, 'Anthrax Ripple?' Constable Parrot: [Vomit]

Constable: And what's this one, 'Spring Surprise?'

Mr. Hilton: Aaah, that's our speciality! Covered in darkest,velvety smooth chocolate, when you pop it in your mouth, stainless steel bolts spring out and punch straight through both cheeks!

Constable: If people pop a nice chocky in their mouth they don't expect to get their cheeks pierced! In any case, it is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat! I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.

Mr. Hilton: It's a fair cop.

Constable: And don't talk to the audience!


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INTERMISSION


Albatross


Albatross Woman: Albatross! Albatross! Albatross! You're not supposed to be smoking that! Albatross! Don't take them!

American: What flavor is it? What flavor is it?

Albatross Woman: Seagullsickle! Pelican-bonbon! Albatross!

Man with hat: Could I have... Could I have two icecreams, please?

Albatross Woman: I haven't got any icecreams, I just got this albatross!

Man with hat: Uh...

Albatross Woman: Albatross!

Man with hat: Uh, what flavor is it?

Albatross Woman: Well, it is an albatross, isn't it? It's not any bloody flavor! Albatross!

Man with hat: There's gotta be some flavor, I mean everything's got a flavor...

Albatross Woman: All right, all right! It's bloody albatross flavor! It's bleedin' seabird, bleedin' flavor! Albatross!

Man with hat: Do you get wafers with it?

Albatross Woman: Of course you don't have fucking wafers with it, you cunt! It's a fucking albatross, I mean...

Graham Chapman: Stop that! Stop that! It's filthy! Hold on! Right now, we need you! The one in the black, we need you for another skit on stage. And you, get off! You're not even a proper woman!

Albatross Woman: Don't you oppress me, mate!

Graham Chapman: What are you trying to do? Avoid registration or something?

Albatross Woman: Bleedin' sexist!

Graham Chapman: Come on, we need you for a skit! No one enjoys a good laugh more than I do. Except perhaps for my wife and some of her friends. Oh, yes, and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it, most people enjoy a good laugh more than I do, but that's beside the point. Right! Let's get on with this skit! Where's the other person for this skit? Right, you want to sit in that chair? And...cue...the...skit!


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Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink


Man: Evening, squire!

Man with hat: Good evening.

Man: Is your...is your wife a goer? Eh? Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge! Know what I mean? Say no more!

Man with hat: I-I...I beg your pardon?

Man: Your...your wife. Does she go,eh? Does she go, eh? Eh?

Man with hat: Huh, sometimes she has to go, yes.

Man: I bet she does! I bet she does! Say no more! Say no more! Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge!

Man with hat: I'm afraid I don't quite follow you...

Man: Oh, "follow me, follow me"? That's good, that's very good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!

Man with hat: Are...are you selling something?

Man: "Selling, selling"...very good indeed! You're wicked, you are, eh? Wicked, eh? Ho-ho-ho! Whoa! Wicked! Say no more!

Man with hat: Huhuh?

Man: Whoa! So your wife's interested in...in sport? Eh?

Man with hat: Ah, she likes sport, yes.

Man: I bet she does! I bet she does!

Man with hat: As a matter of fact, she's very fond of cricket.

Man: She likes "games", eh? Likes "games"? Knew she would, she's been around a bit, eh? She's been around?

Man with hat: Well, she has travelled, yes. She's from Glendale.

Man: Say no more! Glendale, squire? Say no more! Say no more! Say no more! Say no more!

Man with hat: Well...

Man: Whoa! Is your...is your Glendale wife interested in...photography? Eh? Eh? Eh?

Man with hat: Photography?

Man: "Photographs, eh?" he asked him knowingly!

Man with hat: Photography?

Man: Snap, snap, grin, grin, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!

Man with hat: Sort of...holiday snaps, eh?

Man: They could be, they could be taken on holiday, you know! Swimming costumes, candid...you know, "candid" photography?

Man with hat: No, we don't have a camera!

Man: Ah. Still, whoahaah! Eh? Whoahaah! Eh? Whoahaah! Eh? Whoahaahaha! Huhuh!

Man with hat: Look, are you insinuating something?

Man: Oh, no, no, no...yes!

Man with hat: Well?

Man: Why, I mean, you're a man of the world, squire, you know...you're...you've been around, you know?

Man with hat: What do you mean?

Man: Well, I mean, like, you've...you know, you...like...you've done it, you know...you've slept...with a lady?

Man with hat: Yes.

Man: What's it like?


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International Philosophy Part 1


INTERNATIONAL PHILOSOPHY

GERMANY
vs.
GREECE

Announcer: Good afternoon, and welcome to a packed Olympic stadium in Munchen for the second leg of this exciting final. And here comes the Germans now, led by their skipper "Lobby" Hegel. They must truly be favorites this afternoon. They've certainly attracted the most attention from the press with their team problems. And let's now see their line-up :

DEUTSCHLAND
					1  LEIBNIZ
					2  I.KANT
					3  HEGEL
					4  SCHOPENHAUER
					5  SCHELLING
					6  BECKENBAUER
					7  JASPERS
					8  SCHLEGEL
					9  WITTGENSTEIN
					10 NIETZSCHE
					11 HEIDEGGER

Announcer: The Germans playing 4-2-4, Leibniz in goal, back four Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer, and Schelling, front runners Schlegel, Wittgenstein, Nietzsche, and Heidegger, and the midfield duo of Beckenbauer and Jaspers. Beckenbauer obviously a bit of a surprise there. And here come the Greeks, led off by their veteran centerhalf Herakleitos. Let's look at their team :

GRIECHENLAND
					1 PLATO
					2 EPIKTET
					3 ARISTOTELES
					4 SOPHOKLES
					5 EMPEDOKLES VON ACRAGA
					6 PLOTIN
					7 EPIKUR
					8 HERAKLIT
					9 DEMOKRIT
					10 SOKRATES
					11 ARKIMEDES

Announcer: As it's expected it's a much more defensive line-up. Plato's in goal, Socrates is a front runner there, and Aristotle as sweeper. Aristotle, very much the man in form. One surprise is the inclusion of Archimedes. Well, here comes the referee: Con-Fu-Cu, Confucius and his two linesmen, St. Augustin and St. Thomas Aquinus. And as the two skippers come together to shake hands we're ready for the start of this very exciting final.. The referee, Mr. Confucius, checks his hand...

Referee's Whistle: [Whistle]

Announcer: ...and...they're off! Nietzsche and Hegel there, old Jaspers number 7 on the outside, Wittgenstein there with him, there's Beckenbauer, Schelling there, Heidegger covering, Schopenhauer, and now it's the Greeks. Epikuros, we find him number six, Aristotle, Empedokles and Deraklites, and Demokrites with him, there's Archimedes, Socrates, there he is, Socrates, Socrates there going through...there's the ball, there's the ball. We'll be bringing you back to this exciting contest the moment anything interesting happens.

GERMANY 0 GREECE 0


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Four Yorkshiremen


Eric Idle: Very passable, isn't it? Very passable.

All: Right, all right.

Graham Chapman: Good glass of Chateau de Chasselet, ain't just that, sire?

Terry Jones: Oh, you're right there, Obadiah.

Graham Chapman: Right.

Eric Idle: Who would have thought, thirty years ago, we'd all be sitting here drinking Chateau de Chaselet, eh?

All: Aye, aye.

Michael Palin: Them days we were glad to have the price of a cup of tea.

Graham Chapman: Right! A cup of cold tea!

Michael Palin: Right!

Eric Idle: Without milk or sugar!

Terry Jones: Or tea!

Michael Palin: In a cracked cup and all.

Eric Idle: Oh, we never used to have a cup! We used to have to drink out of a rolled-up newspaper!

Graham Chapman: The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

Terry Jones: But you know, we were happy in those days, although we were poor.

Michael Palin: Because we were poor!

Terry Jones: Right!

Michael Palin: My old dad used to say to me: "Money doesn't bring you happiness, son!"

Eric Idle: He was right!

Michael Palin: Right!

Eric Idle: I was happier then and I had nothing! We used to live in this tiny old tumbled-down house with great big holes in the roof.

Graham Chapman: House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, half the floor was missing, we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of falling.

Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in the corridor!

Michael Palin: Oh, we used to dream of living in a corridor! Would have been a palace to us! We used to live in an old watertank on a rubbish tip. We'd all woke up every morning by having a load of rotten fish dumped all over us! House, huh!

Eric Idle: Well, when I say a house, it was just a hole in the ground, covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us!

Graham Chapman: We were evicted from our hole in the ground. We had to go and live in a lake!

Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a lake! There were 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road!

Michael Palin: A cardboard box?

Terry Jones: Aye!

Michael Palin: You were lucky! We lived for three months in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank! We used to have to get up every morning, at six o'clock and clean the newspaper, go to work down the mill, fourteen hours a day, week in, week out, for six pence a week, and when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

Graham Chapman: Luxury! We used to have to get up out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work twenty hours a day at mill, for two pence a month, come home, and dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!

Terry Jones: Well, of course, we had it tough! We used to have to get up out of the shoebox in the middle of the night, and lick the road clean with our tongues! We had to eat half a handful of freezing cold gravel, work twenty-four hours a day at mill for four pence every six years, and when we got home, our dad would slice us in two with a breadknife!

Eric Idle: Right! I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay millowner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!

Michael Palin: Aah. And you trying to tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you!

All: No, no they won't!


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International Philosophy Part 2


SPORTS UPDATE

Announcer: Well, there may be no score, but there's certainly no lack of excitement here, as you can see, Nietzsche has just been booked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius of having no free will, and Confucius he say 'name go in book', and this is Nietszche's third booking in four games.

Whistle: [Phuiiih]

Announcer: And, oh, that is Karl Marx. Karl Marx is warming up, it looks as if it is going to be a substitution on the German side. Obviously manager Martin Luther has decided on all-out attack and indeed he must, with only two minutes of the match to go. But the big question is: Who is going to be replaced? Who is gonna come off? It could be Jaspers, Hegel or Schopenhauer. But it's Wittgenstein! Wittgenstein ---- only last week! And here's Marx! Let's see if he can put some life in this German attack. Evidently not. What a shame. Well, now, with just over a minute left, replay on Tuesday looks absolutely vital. There's Archimedes, and I think he's had an idea!

Archimedes: Eureka!

Announcer: Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to Archimedes, Archimedes out to Herakleitos, he beats Hegel, Herakleitos is a little flick, here comes on the far-post Socrates, Socrates is there! It is in! Socrates has scored, the Greeks are going mad! The Greeks are going there, Socrates scores, beautiful cross from Archimedes.The Germans are disputing it! Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an apriori adjunct of non-analytic ethics, Kant by the categoric imperative is holding that ultimologically possessed only in the imagination and Marx is claiming it was off-side! But Confucius blows the final whistle...it's all over! Germany, having trounced England's famous midfield trio Vincent, Locke and Hobbes in the semifinal, have been beaten by the odd goal! And that's it again! There it is, Socrates, Socrates heads it in, and Leibniz doesn't have a chance! And just look at those delighted Greeks! There they are, chopper Sokrates, Empedokles, and Deraklites! What a game here! And Epikuros is there, and Sokrates, the captain who scored what must probably be the most important goal of his career!


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Argument Clinic


Customer's finger pressing the secretary's breast nipple as if it were a bell: [Buzz]

Secretary: Ooh! Good afternoon, sir. May I help you?

Customer: Yes, I'd like to have an argument, please.

Secretary: Certainly, sir. Uhm, have you been here before?

Customer: Ah, no, this is my first time.

Secretary: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument or were you thinking of taking a course?

Customer: Well, uh, what is the cost?

Secretary: Yes, it's one pound for a five-minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.

Customer: Well, I think I'll just try the one and see how it goes from there.

Secretary: Fine. Ah, yes, try Mr. Barnard, Room 12.

Customer: Thank you very much.

Mr. Barnard: What do you want?

Customer: Well, I just was...

Mr. Barnard:Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!. Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type make me puke, you vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert!

Customer: Listen, I came here for an argument!

Mr. Barnard: Oh, oh, I'm sorry, but this is Abuse!

Customer: Oh, oh, I see!

Mr. Barnard: Hahaha!

Customer: Terribly sorry.

Mr. Barnard: No, you want Room 12A, next door.

Customer: Oh, I see. Thank you very much.

Mr. Barnard: Not at all.

Customer: Uhuh!

Mr. Barnard: Stupid git...

Customer: Uh, is this the right room for an argument?

Argumentator: I told you once.

Customer: Uh, no, you haven't.

Argumentator: Yes, I have.

Customer: When?

Argumentator: Just now.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: You didn't!

Argumentator: I did.

Customer: No, you didn't!

Argumentator: I'm telling you I did!

Customer: You most certainly did not!

Argumentator: Ah, wait a moment, is this the five-minute argument or the full half hour?

Customer: Oh, oh, I see. Just the five-minute.

Argumentator: Just the five minutes... Right, thank you. Anyway, I did.

Customer: Oh, no, you didn't.

Argumentator: Now let's get one thing absolutely clear. I most definitely told you.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: No, you didn't.

Argumentator: Yes, I did.

Customer: Oh, look, this isn't an argument!

Argumentator: Yes, it is!

Customer: No, it isn't! It's just contradiction!

Argumentator: No, it isn't!

Customer: It is!

Argumentator: It is not!

Customer: It is! You just contradicted me!

Argumentator: I did not!

Customer: You did!

Argumentator: No, no, no!

Customer: You did just that!

Argumentator: Nonsense!

Customer: Oh, this is futile!

Argumentator: No, it isn't.

Customer: Yes, it is. I came here for a good argument.

Argumentator: No, you didn't. You came here for an argument.

Customer: Yes, but an argument isn't just contradiction!

Argumentator: Well, can be.

Customer: No, an argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

Argumentator: No, it isn't!

Customer: Yes, it is! It isn't just contradiction!

Argumentator: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.

Customer: Yes, but that isn't just saying "No, it isn't!"

Argumentator: Yes, it is!

Customer: No, it isn't!

Argumentator: Yes, it is!

Customer: No, it isn't!

Argumentator: Yes, it is!

Customer: No, it isn't!

Argumentator: Yes, it is!

Customer: No, it isn't!

Argumentator: Yes, it is!

Customer: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just a automatic gain-saying of anything the other person says!

Argumentator: It is not!

Customer: It is!

Argumentator: Not at all!

Customer: Now look...

Bell: [Pling]

Argumentator: Thank you! Good morning!

Customer: What?

Argumentator: That's it! Good morning!

Customer: I was just getting interested!

Argumentator: Uh, I'm sorry, the five minutes is up!

Customer: That was never five minutes, just now!

Argumentator: I'm afraid it was.

Customer: Oh, no, it wasn't.

Argumentator: I'm sorry, I'm...I'm not allowed to argue anymore.

Customer: What?

Argumentator: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minute.

Customer: But that was never five minutes, just now!

Argumentator: [Whistle]

Customer: Oh, come on! Oh, this is ridiculous!

Argumentator: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes!

Customer: Oh, all right. Here you are.

Argumentator: Thank you.

Customer: Well?

Argumentator: Well what?

Customer: That was never five minutes, just now!

Argumentator: I told you, if you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

Customer: Yes, yes, well, I've just paid!

Argumentator: No, you didn't!

Customer: I did!

Argumentator: You did not!

Customer: I did!

Argumentator: You never...

Customer: I did!

Argumentator: You never...

Customer: I did!

Argumentator: You never...

Customer: I did!

Argumentator: You never...

Customer: I did!

Argumentator: You never...

Customer: Oh, what are we even arguing about!

Argumentator: Well, I'm very sorry, but you didn't pay!

Customer: Aha! But if I didn't pay, why are you arguing? Ahaaa! Got you!

Argumentator: No, you haven't.

Customer: Yes, I have. If, you're arguing, I must have paid.

Argumentator: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.

Customer: Oh, I've had enough of this!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Customer: Yes, I have!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Customer: Yes, I have!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Customer: Yes, I have!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Customer: Yes, I have!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Customer: Yes, I have!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Customer: Yes, I have!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Customer: Yes, I have!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Customer: Yes, I have!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Customer: Yes, I have!

Argumentator: No, you haven't!

Fat Man: Whoa!

Fat Man :
I've got two legs from my hips to the ground
And when I lift them they walk around
And when I lift them they climb the stairs
And when I shave them they ain't got hairs

Argumentator's rifle: [Bang]

Fat Man: Aaargh!


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