Live at Drury Lane - Albatross


Vendor (John Cleese): Albatross! Albatross! Albatross! Albatross! (the sound of spitting) Albatross for Christ's sake!

Customer (Terry Jones): Two choc-ices please.

Vendor: I haven't got choc-ices. I just got this albatross. Albatross!

Customer: What flavor is it?

Vendor: It's not any bloody flavor mate, what you think they make a bloody strawberry albatross? It's an albatross mate. It's a bloody sea bird. It's not any bloody flavor.

Customer: It's got to be some flavor, I mean everything's got a flavor you know.

Vendor: Alright alright it's bloody albatross flavor then smartass, it's bloody bloody seabird bloody, bleedin, bloody flavor. Albatross!

Customer: Um, Do you get wafers with it?

Vendor: 'Course you don't get fucking wafers with it, ya cock sucker.

Colonel (Graham Chapman): Stop that stop that stop it it's filthy. Now off you go. You're not even a proper woman.

Vendor: It's not my fault.

Colonel: Now what are you doing down there when you should be up here starting a new spoof. Now which one are you: the funny man or the straight man?

Customer: I'm the straight man

Colonel: Yes I thought you probably might be. OK you sit there stage right, you sit there and be straight. Good night.