'Holy Grail' - 3-Headed Knight Scene


MINSTREL (singing): Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, o Brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin! He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin! His head smashed in and his heart cut out, And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged, And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off, And his penis...

ROBIN: That's -- that's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads. Looks like there's dirty work afoot.

DENNIS: Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom.

WOMAN: Oh, Dennis, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud.

[encounter 3-headed knight]

ALL HEADS: Halt! Who art thou?

MINSTREL (singing): He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin, who--

ROBIN: Shut up! Um, n-n-nobody really, I'm j-just um, just passing through.

ALL HEADS: What do you want?

MINSTREL (singing): To fight, and--

ROBIN: Shut up! Um, oo, n-nothing, nothing really -- I, uh, j-j-ust to um, just to p-pass through good Sir knight.

ALL HEADS: I'm afraid not!

ROBIN: Ah. W-well, actually I am a Knight of the Round Table.

ALL HEADS: You're a Knight of the Round Table?

ROBIN: I am.

LEFT HEAD: In that case I shall have to kill you.

MIDDLE HEAD: Shall I?

RIGHT HEAD: Oh, I don't think so.

MIDDLE HEAD: Well, what do I think?

LEFT HEAD: I think kill him.

RIGHT HEAD: Well let's be nice to him.

MIDDLE HEAD: Oh shut up.

LEFT HEAD: Perhaps-

MIDDLE HEAD: And you.

LEFT HEAD: Oh quick get the sword out I want to cut his head off!

RIGHT HEAD: Oh, cut your own head off!

MIDDLE HEAD: Yes, do us all a favor!

LEFT HEAD: What?

RIGHT HEAD: Yapping on all the time.

MIDDLE HEAD: You're lucky, you're not next to him.

LEFT HEAD: What do you mean?

MIDDLE HEAD: You snore.

LEFT HEAD: Oh I don't -- anyway, you've got bad breath.

MIDDLE HEAD: Well its only because you don't brush my teeth.

RIGHT HEAD: Oh stop bitching and let's go have tea.

LEFT HEAD: All right all right all right we'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits.

MIDDLE HEAD: Yes.

RIGHT HEAD: Oh, but not biscuits.

LEFT HEAD: All right all right not biscuits, but lets kill him anyway.

ALL HEADS: Right!

LEFT HEAD: He buggered off.

RIGHT HEAD: So he has, he's scarpered.

MINSTREL (singing): Brave Sir Robin ran away

ROBIN: No!

MINSTREL (singing): Bravely ran away away

ROBIN: I didn't!

MINSTREL (singing): When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled...

ROBIN: No!

MINSTREL (singing): Yes Brave Sir Robin turned about

ROBIN: I didn't!

MINSTREL (singing): And gallantly he chickened out, Bravely taking to his feet...

ROBIN: I never did!

MINSTREL (singing): He beat a very brave retreat

ROBIN: Oh, lie!

MINSTREL (singing): Bravest of the brave Sir Robin

ROBIN: I never!