The Penultimate Supper
Michaelangelo: (Johnathan Lynne) Good evenin', your grace.
Pope: (John Cleese) Good evening, Michelangelo. I want to have a word with you about this Last Supper of yours.
Michaelangelo: Oh, yes?
Pope: I'm not happy with it.
Michaelangelo: Oh dear, it took hours!
Pope: No, not happy at all.
Michaelangelo: Do the jellies worry you?
Michaelangelo: No, they add a bit of color, don't they? Oh I know, you don't like the kangaroo.
Pope: What kangaroo?
Michaelangelo: I'll alter it, no sweat.
Pope: I never saw any kangaroo.
Michaelangelo: Well it's right near the back. But, I'll, I'll paint it out, no problem. I'll make him into a disciple.
Michaelangelo: All right now?
Pope: That's the problem.
Michaelangelo: What is?
Pope: The disciples.
Michaelangelo: Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.
Pope: No, no, it's just that there are twenty-eight of them.
Michaelangelo: Well, another one would hardly be noticed then. So I'll make the kangaroo into a disciple...
Pope: No, no.
Michaelangelo: Well, all right, all right, we'll lose the kangaroo altogether then. I don't mind. I was never completely happy with it.
Pope: That's not the point. There are twenty-eight disciples.
Michaelangelo: Too many?
Pope: Well of course it's too many!
Michaelangelo: Well in a way, but I wanted to give the impression of a huge get-together, you know. A real Last Supper, not just any old supper, but a proper final treat, a real mother of a blow-out.
Pope: There were only twelve disciples at the Last Supper.
Michaelangelo: Well supposing some of the others happened to drop by.
Pope: There were only twelve disciples altogether!
Michaelangelo: Well maybe they'd invited some friends!
Pope: There were the twelve disciples and our Lord at the Last Supper. The Bible clearly says so.
Michaelangelo: No friends?
Pope: No friends.
Michaelangelo: Well you see, I like them. They fill out the canvas. I mean, I suppose we could lose three or four of them. You know, make one or two of them into...
Pope: There were only twelve disciples...
Michaelangelo: I've got it! I've got it! We'll call it the Penultimate Supper.
Michaelangelo: There must've been one. I mean, if there was a last one, there must have been one before that, right?
Pope: Yes, but...
Michaelangelo: Right! So this is the Penultimate Supper. The Bible doesn't say how many people were there, does it?
Pope: No, but...
Michaelangelo: Yeah, well there you are!
Pope: Look, the Last Supper is a significant event in the life of our Lord. The Penultimate Supper was not. Even if they had a conjurer and a steel band. Now I commissioned a Last Supper from you, and a Last Supper I want.
Michaelangelo: Yeah, but look...
Pope: With twelve disciples and one Christ.
Pope: Yes, one! Now will you please tell me what in God's name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?
Michaelangelo: It works, mate!
Pope: It does not work!
Michaelangelo: It does, it looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny ones!
Pope: There was only one Savior.
Michaelangelo: Well I know that. Everyone knows that. But what about a bit of artistic license?
Pope: ONE REDEEMER!
Michaelangelo: I'll tell you what you want, mate. You want a bloody photographer! Not a creative artist with some imagination!
Pope: I'll tell you what I want: I want a Last Supper with one Christ, twelve disciples, no kangaroos by Thursday lunch, or you don't get paid!
Michaelangelo: BLOODY FASCIST!
Pope: Look, I'm the bloody Pope! I may not know much about art, but I know what I like!