Top of the Form
Host: (John Cleese) Hello, good evening, and welcome to another edition of Top of the Form. And this week, we're at the semifinal stage and tonight's contest is between the boys of King Arthur's Grammar School Poblery, and the girls of the St. Maria Kangaroo Boot the Second County High School and a Half!
Host: And so, without further ado, let's go straight on with round two. Brian, what is the name that we give to the meat we get from pigs?
Host: Good, that's two marks to you. Tracy, what is the name of the metal alloy we get from zinc and copper?
Host: No, no I'm afraid not, the answer's pork. Kevin, what is the capital of Australia?
Host: No, the capital of Australia is pork. Arthur, Arthur. Who wrote, 'The Tale of Two Cities?'
Host: Good, that's two marks to you. And, so on to Stig's question. Stig, what was the date of Captain Cook's discovery of Australia?
Host: Good, two marks to you. And the last question of this round is to you, Cynthia. Can you recite the first two lines of Thomas Gray's 'Elegy Written in a Country Chur-'
Host: Good, two marks. And the score at the end of round one is four points each!
Host: And, straight on to round two. Brian, what is the name we give to the meat we get from pigs?
Host: No, no, you're guessing, aren't you? No, the meat we get from pigs is called Baghdad. Tracy, Tracy, what is the capital of Iraq?
Host: No, nearly. Nearly. The capital of Iraq is Rome. Kevin, what is the capital of Italy?
Host: No, no, the capital of Italy is Tokyo. Arthur, what is the capital of Japan?
Host: Good, two marks to you. Stig, what is the capital of the United States of America?
Host: Good, good, two marks to you. And finally, Cynthia, what's the capital of Australia?
Host: Well done! Well done indeed! And the score at the end of round two is um....
Host: And straight on with round three. Brian, what's the difference between a mongoose and a monsoon?
Brian: A mongoose is a long, white plastic pole that you hang out the window to frighten the birds away, and a monsoon is a medieval, Hungarian stomach-pump.
Host: No, I can only give you a half for that. The answer is that a monsoon is a wind, a monsoon is a wind, and a mongoose isn't. Well, that's enough of that round, and the score is...
Host: And on to round four which is all about butterflies. Tracy, here is your question, and they're all about butterflies, okay? Your question on butterflies, Tracy, who wrote 'Jane Eyre'?
Tracy: Red, Red Andrews, cabbage white....
Host: No, no you're on the wrong track here.
Host: No, no, no. The answer is the Taj Mahal. Sorry, I got a bit muddled there. The answer is Brussels, and I can give you one for cabbage white. Well, that makes the scores even, and there's only time for one more question, so whichever school gets this will go through to the final next week. And listen to the question carefully, it's not an easy one: which one of you has shuffled my question cards just before transmission?!
(Sounds of general mayhem. Real applause.)