Blood Donor

Samson: (John Cleese) Blood donors that way, please.

Donor: Oh, thank you very much.

Samson: Thank you.

Grimshaw: (Eric Idle)(whispering)

Samson: What?

Grimshaw: (whispering)

Samson: No, no. I'm sorry, but 'no'.

Grimshaw: (whispering)

Samson: No, you may not give urine instead of blood.

Grimshaw: (whispering)

Samson: No. Well, I don't care if you want to.

Grimshaw: (whispering)

Samson: No. There is no such thing as a urine bank.

Grimshaw: Please.

Samson: No. We have no call for it. We've quite enough of it without volunteers coming in here donating it.

Grimshaw: Just a specimen?

Samson: No. We don't want a specimen. We either want your blood or nothing.

Grimshaw: I'll give you some blood if you'll give me...

Samson: What?

Grimshaw: ...a thing to do some urine in.

Samson: No, no. Just go away, please.

Grimshaw: Anyway, I don't want to give you any blood.

Samson: Fine. Well, you don't have to, you see. Just go away.

Grimshaw: Can I give you some spit?

Samson: No.

Grimshaw: Sweat?

Samson: No.

Grimshaw: Ear wax?

Samson: No. Look, this is a blood bank. All we want is blood.

Grimshaw: All right. I'll give you some blood. (produces some blood)

Samson: Where did you get that?

Grimshaw: Today. It's today's.

Samson: What group is it?

Grimshaw: What groups are there?

Samson: There's 'A',--

Grimshaw: It's 'A'.

Samson: (sniff) Wait a moment. It's mine. This blood is mine! What are you doing with it?

Grimshaw: I found it.

Samson: You found it?! You stole it out of my body, didn't you?

Grimshaw: No.

Samson: No wonder I'm feeling off-colour. (drinks from bottle) Give that back!

Grimshaw: It's mine.

Samson: It's not yours. You stole it.

Grimshaw: Never.

Samson: Give it back to me.

Grimshaw: All right, but only if I can give urine.

Samson: Get in the queue...

Continue to the next sketch... International Wife-Swapping