The Man With Three Buttocks


Eric Idle: And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks!

Host (John Cleese): I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton who... (pause) Mr. Frampton, I understand that you - um - as it were... (pause) Well let me put it another way. Erm, I believe that whereas most people have - er - two... Two.

Frampton (Terry Jones): Oh, sure.

Host: Ah well, er, Mr Frampton. Erm, is that chair comfortable?

Frampton: Fine, yeah, fine.

Host: Mr Frampton, er, vis a vis your... (pause) rump.

Frampton: I beg your pardon?

Host: Your rump.

Frampton: What?

Host: Er, your derriere. (Whispers) Posterior. Sit-upon.

Frampton: What's that?

Host (whispers): Your buttocks.

Frampton: Oh, me bum!

Host (hurriedly): Sshhh! Well now, I understand that you, Mr Frampton, have a... (pause) 50% bonus in the region of what you say.

Frampton: I got three cheeks.

Host: Yes, yes, excellent, excellent. Well we were wondering, Mr Frampton, if you could see your way clear to giving us a quick... (pause) a quick visual... (long pause). Mr Frampton, would you take your trousers down.

Frampton: What? (to cameramen) 'Ere, get that away! I'm not taking me trousers down on television. What do you think I am?

Host: Please take them down.

Frampton: No!

Host: No, er look, er Mr Frampton. It's quite easy for somebody just to come along here claiming... that they have a bit to spare in the botty department. The point is, our viewers need proof.

Frampton: I been on Persian Radio, and the Forces' Network!




Continue to the next sketch... A Man With 2 Noses