Burglar/Encyclopaedia Salesman

(Scene: A front door of a flat. A man walks up to the door and rings bell. He is dressed smartly, like a Salesman.)

Salesman (Eric Idle): Burglar! (longish pause while he waits, he rings again) Burglar! (woman appears at other side of door)

Woman (Terry Jones): Yes?

Salesman: Burglar, madam.

Woman: What do you want?

Salesman: I want to come in and steal a few things, madam.

Woman: Are you an encydopaedia salesman?

Salesman: No madam, I'm a burglar, I burgle people.

Woman: I think you're an encyclopaedia salesman.

Salesman: Oh I'm not, open the door, let me in please.

Woman: If I let you in you'll sell me encyclopaedias.

Salesman: I won't, madam. I just want to come in and ransack the flat. Honestly.

Woman: Promise. No encyclopaedias?

Salesman: None at all.

Woman: All right. (she opens door) You'd better come in then.

(Salesman enters it through door.)

Salesman: Mind you I don't know whether you've really considered the advantages of owning a really fine set of modern encyclopaedias, (he pockets valuable) You know, they can really do you wonders.

(Cut back to man at desk.)

Man (Michael Palin): That man was a successful encyclopaedia salesman. But not all encyclopaedia salesmen are successful. Here is an unsuccessful encyclopaedia salesman.

(Cut to very tall building; a body flies out of a high window and plummets. Cut back to man at desk.)

Man: Now here are two unsuccessful encyclopaedia salesmen.

(Cut to a different tall building; two bodies fly out of a high window. Cut back to man at desk.)

Man: I think there's a lesson there for all of us.

Continue to the next sketch... Johann Gambolputty