Jockey Interviews

(Cut to Epsom racecourse, and a presenter, Brian MacThighbone, up against the paddock rail.)

CAPTION: Live from Epsom

Brian: (Eric Idle) Good afternoon. Well in fact there's still a few minutes to go before the main race on the card this afternoon - the Queen Victoria Handicap. So let's have a quick word with the winner of the last race, one of the season's top jockeys - Ronnie Mau-Mau. (a jockey's cap comes into shot, which is all we ever see of him) Good afternoon, Ronnie.

First Jockey: (Michael) Good afternoon, Brian.

Brian: (pointing his stick-mike down) A very fine ride there, Ronnie.

First Jockey: Well, a fine horse, Brian. You know you can't go wrong.

Brian: Do you fancy your chances for the Derby?

First Jockey: (vigorously nodding) Oh very definitely, very definitely, indeed, certainly Brian.

Brian: Well, let's just see if a colleague of yours agrees with that. Let's just have a quick word with Desmond Willet. Afternoon Des.

(A different silk hat comes into the bottom of frame. Again all we see is the jockey's cap.)

Second Jockey: (Graham Chapman with an Irish accent) Afternoon, Brian. (he shakes his head) No chance, no chance at all.

First Jockey: (nodding vigorously) No, no I think you're wrong there, Des, with the right kind of going, he's going to be in there at the finish, Des.

Second Jockey: (shaking vigorously) No chance, there's no chance.

Brian: Well in fact I can see last season's top jockey, Johnny Knowles. (two caps move over) Good afternoon, Johnny.

(Pause. Not even a cap is seen.)

Third Jockey: (faintly) Hello, Brian.

Brian: Er, could we have a box for Johnny, please. (a cap comes into sight) Thank you.

Third Jockey: Hello, Brian

Brian: That's better. Well there you are. Three very well known faces from the racing world. Thanks very much for coming along this afternoon, lads.

First Jockey, Second Jockey and Third Jockey: Not at all. (vigorous nodding of caps)

Brian: And best wishes for the Derby.

First Jockey, Second Jockey and Third Jockey: Ah, thank you Brian, thanks very much. (they leave nodding)

Brian: Well in fact I hear they're ready for us now at the start of the main race this afternoon. So let's go right away and join Peter at the start.

Continue to the next sketch... Queen Victoria Handicap