The Man With Three Buttocks


Announcer (Eric Idle): And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks!

Host (John Cleese): Good Evening. I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton who has... (pause) Mr. Frampton, I understand that you, as it were, have... (pause) Well let me put it another way. I believe Mr. Frampton that whereas most people have - er - two... two.. you... you...

Frampton (Terry Jones): I'm sorry?

Host: Ah yes, yes I see. Are you quite comfortable?

Frampton: Yes, fine thank you.

Host: Mr Frampton, er, vis a vis your... (pause) rump.

Frampton: I beg your pardon?

Host: Your rump.

Frampton: What?

Host: Er, your posterior. (Whispers) Derriere. Sit-upon.

Frampton: What's that?

Host: (whispers) Your buttocks.

Frampton: Oh, me bum!

Host: (hurriedly) Sshhh! Well Mr Frampton, I understand that you, Mr Frampton, have a... (pause) 50% bonus in the region of what you say.

Frampton: I got three cheeks.

Host: Yes, yes, splendid, splendid. Well we were wondering, Mr Frampton, if you could see your way clear...

Frampton: (seeing a camera moving round behind him) Here? What's that camera doing?

Host: Er, nothing, nothing at all, sir. We were wondering if you could see your way clear...to giving us...a quick... a quick... visual... Mr Frampton, will you take your trousers down?

Frampton: What? (to cameraman) 'Ere, get that away! I'm not taking me trousers off on television. Who do you think I am?

Host: Please take them down.

Frampton: No!

Host: Just a little bit?

Frampton: No!

Host: Now look here Mr Frampton... It's perfectly easy for somebody just to come along here to the BBC simply claiming... that they have a bit to spare in the botty department, but the point is Mr. Frampton, our viewers need proof.

Frampton: I've been on Persian Radio. Get off! Arthur Figgis knows I've got three buttocks.

Host: How?

Frampton: We go cycling together.

(Cut to shot of two men riding tandem. The one behind (Graham) looks down, looks up and exclaims 'strewth '.)

Announcer: (sitting at desk) And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks.

(Interview studio again.)

Host: Good evening, I have with me Mr Arthur Frampton, who... Mr Frampton I understand that you, as it were have - well let me put it another way... I believe Mr Frampton that whereas most people... didn't we do this just now?

Frampton: Er ... yes.

Host: Well why didn't you say so?

Frampton: I thought it was the continental version.

(Cut back to Announcer sitting at desk)

Announcer: And now for something completely the same - a man with three buttocks. (phone on desk rings - he answers) Hello? Oh, did we? (puts phone down and looks at camera) And now for something completely different. A man with three noses.

Off-Screen Voice: He's not here yet!

Announcer: Two noses?



Continue to the next sketch... A Man With 2 Noses