Nudge Nudge

Man: 'Evening, squire!

Squire: (stiffly) Good evening.

Man: Is, uh,...Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?

Squire: I, uh, I beg your pardon?

Man: Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh?

Squire: (flustered) Well, she sometimes 'goes', yes.

Man: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, know whatahmean, nudge nudge?

Squire: (confused) I'm afraid I don't quite follow you.

Man: Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!

Squire: Are you, uh,...are you selling something?

Man: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay? (pause) Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!

Squire: Well, I, uh....

Man: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay?

Squire: Um, she likes sport, yes!

Man: I bet she does, I bet she does!

Squire: As a matter of fact she's very fond of cricket.

Man: 'Oo isn't? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She's been around a bit, been around?

Squire: She has traveled, yes. She's from Scarsdale. (pause)


Man: Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!

Squire: I wasn't going to!

Man: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your wife interested, ay? 'Photographs, ay', he asked him knowlingly?

Squire: Photography?

Man: Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?

Squire: Holiday snaps, eh?

Man: They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know, CANDID photography?

Squire: No, no I'm afraid we don't have a camera.

Man: Oh. (leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?

Squire: Look... are you insinuating something?

Man: Oh, no, no, no...yes.

Squire: Well?

Man: Well, you're a man of the world, squire.

Squire: Yes...

Man: I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh.... You've 'done it'....

Squire: What do you mean?

Man: Well, I mean like,'ve SLEPT, with a lady....

Squire: Yes....

Man: What's it like?

Continue to the next sketch... Art Gallery/Art Critic